Memories
by Unclear Destiny
Summary: Tsuzuki's changed in a chilling way after Kyoto and has realized his actions far too late. Now the office is sick and tired of them and an Ultimatum is delivered. Will it work or is the partnership doomed to failure? DISCONTINUED
1. Where'd we Go?

Disclaimer: No own YnM.

A/N: Note that this is only a **TEASER.** Why? Because anyone who's been reading my story's long enough should know that I either loose interest very quickly or that the pressure gets to me and I shut down. So I'm going to post this first and then wait until the story is finished until I post the other chapters. Okay?

* * *

When he had asked Tsuzuki to live for him, he hadn't imagined it to be like this.

Numbly, he changed the channel, trying his best to ignore the tightness in his jeans as the moaning and waves of lust both got higher and louder.He didn't even try the same with the tears streaming down his stone cold face in tiny rivers, nor stop his hand from shaking as his thumb casually pressed down on the channel button in a repetitive motion.  
The heavy ache in his chest was an entirely different matter, though.  
He didn't know why it hurt every time Tsuzuki brought another woman to their hotel, wherever it was, or why he felt a little piece of him dying every time.

But it did, nonetheless.

Breathing in shakily as the lust went to satiation and gratification and the moaning and screaming finally stopped, he dropped the remote to the floor and raised a hand over his eyes.

"Losing half a year, waiting for you here-"

Blinking, he raised his hand, turning it towards the television.

"I'll be your anything.So get back, back, back to where we lasted  
Just like I imagined I could never feel this way.  
So get back, back, back to the disaster.  
My hearts beating faster, Holding on to feel the same."

The tears started coming faster and with a small gasp, the empath turned around on the couch, grasping tightly onto a pillow to muffle both his tears and his sobs.

"This may never start, tearing out my heart...  
And I'll be your memory.  
Lost your sense of fear, feelings disappear.  
Can I be your memory?"

* * *

A/N: So, what'd ya think? Good idea, bad idea? I'll get into Tsuzuki's mindset more as the story goes on, but either way, this one is going to deal heavily with trust. 


	2. Oh what fools we be

Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei, and I'm not making any profits from this fanfiction.

A/N: Hah, I am such a liar. XD Okay, nix that. I'm going to post these as I write or I'm going to wait, it depends on my mood I guess. I'm just so exited about this chapter, though, I hope you like it!

* * *

Going to work the next day had been difficult. 

It were as if Tsuzuki was avoiding him.

For whatever reason, he had no clue, but...  
The man wouldn't touch him anymore. He would raise his hand to ruffle his hair and then he would catch himself and lower it back to his side.

No affectionate touches, no spontaneous hugs or glomps, not even a simple touch to distract him away from whatever he was doing.

There was just...nothing.

'Tsuzuki, you liar. You said we'd be in this together.'

Taking in a shaky breath, Hisoka nimbly took out a book from the large shelf and flipped through it before putting it back. So far, he hadn't even chosen one book to start with.

It had been half an hour, usually he would have several by now...

"Hisoka-san?"

Starting, he turned and blinked.

"Ah...Yes, Gushoshin Younger? What is it?"  
The flying Chicken God looked at him inquisitively.

"Are you alright, Hisoka san? You're not looking so well?"

Hisoka blinked again before shaking his head and sighing.

"It's nothing, Gushoshin Younger. I am fine."

The bird's stare hardened and his beak clipped into a fine line.

"If you say so, Hisoka san. But if you ever need anything, just ask, alright?"

The empath nodded.

"Yes, of course Gushoshin Younger. I will. Now, if you'll excuse me?"

Gushoshin frowned at the shinigami's back as the boy walked away, displeased with the empath's answer.

Something strange was going on, and he was going to find out.

Finally settling on an archaic book on angels and demons that had managed to capture his interest, Hisoka sat down in front of one of the huge windows that made up an entire wall of the EnMaCho library. Sitting with his back to the pillar that lay beside the cushioned bench, he pulled open the book on his lap and began to read.

His interest was short lived, though, and instead he turned to rest his forehead against the window, eyes hooded.

Watching delicate petals of sakura as they danced in the wind, green eyes glazed over in thought. Breath, as delicate as the swirling petals, fogged the glass. Slim fingers twitched slightly.

Abruptly, though, the empath's breathing hitched and stopped. Glazed eyes suddenly focused and fingers clutched the sides of the book enough to dent the leather covers.

Walking back to JuOhCho was a man, deep grey trenchcoat and soft chocolaty locks ruffled in the breeze. As if sensing Hisoka's stare, Tsuzuki looked up.

Stunning iris met fogged emerald. Time ground to a halt.

Abruptly, Tsuzuki closed his eyes and turned away, breaking the connection as he headed towards the building.

Breath coming faster, Hisoka turned away from the glass, book forgotten as it dropped to the floor with a dull thud. The legs that had supported it now carried a teenager towards his partner.

Confrontation was blooming.

"Tsuzuki, come with me to my office, please."

Blinking, the sweet-loving man turned to be met by blue eyes hidden by square shaped glasses.

Tsuzuki blinked again and nodded.

"A-Ah, sure thing Tatsumi."

Tatsumi smiled at him and turned, walking away and leaving the other man to catch up. The pair soon entered the secretary's office and seated themselves, Tatsumi behind his desk and Tsuzuki in an uncomfortable chair in front of him.

"Would you like a drink, Tsuzuki?"

The man nodded.

"Ah, thank you."

Tea was poured and silence, tense with Tsuzuki's anxiousness, was prolonged for a few minutes more.

Tatsumi's cup reached the desk in record time and the shadow-user sat back, looking at the man across him. Tsuzuki in return shifted under the heavy gaze and Tatsumi took that as his cue to start.

"Tsuzuki, is there anything you wish to speak to me about?"

Amethyst eyes looked up inquisitively and Tsuzuki cocked his head.

"Tatsumi?"

Tatsumi shifted his glasses higher up on his nose and sighed.

"I am not a dim-witted man, Tsuzuki. Is there anything you would like to tell me about your's and Kurosaki-kun's relationship?"

Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed.

"No...Tatsumi, what are you trying to say exactly?"

Tatsumi frowned.

"Tsuzuki, do not play games with me. I have seen the interaction between yourself and Kurosaki-kun and it is grating my nerves to see how you respond to him."

Tsuzuki tensed, fingers clenching in his lap until they were fists. Iris clashed with sapphire and the war of wills began.

"I'm not quite sure I understand what you're saying, Tatsumi?"

"Why are you pushing Hisoka away, Tsuzuki?"

Turning away, Tsuzuki closed his eyes, a deep frown settling between his eyes and on his lips.

"I do no such thing, Tatsumi."

The secretary's eyes flashed and Tatsumi's shoulders settled into a position of ire.

"You do not touch him, you avoid saying anything to him anymore, you purposefully go out of your way not to greet him at all. Yes, you are indeed pushing him away, Tsuzuki."

Irked at the debasing tone in Tatsumi's voice, Tsuzuki glared heavily at the man.

"Why do you want to know, Tatsumi?"

"Because you are not only hurting yourself by doing this, you are hurting your partnership and I cannot have that in my office."

In a flash, Tsuzuki was on his feet in a shivering rage.

"So what! You didn't care about that when you broke off our partnership, so why do you care what I do now? You have no right to what I do, you have no right to order me around anymore!"

Suitably ruffled, Tatsumi stood.

"I am asking you this for your own well being, Tsuzuki! I cannot sit by and watch you push that poor boy away!"

"Oh, so this is about Hisoka now, is it? Well so what, it's not like he cares anyways! In fact, he's probably relieved now that he doesn't have to worry about 'Baka-Tsuzuki' ruining his work-day anymore! And this way, I don't have to worry about that brat breathing down my neck and chastising me every moment of the day! He doesn't care about me and I don't give a damn about him either!"

On the other side of the door, a corn-silk hand dropped away from the knob.

Tatsumi's narrowed eyes flashed again and he frowned deeply.

"Tsuzuki, I don't think you know what you're saying."

A mocking grin swept Tsuzuki's lips back, bearing white teeth in a snarl.

"I know damn well what I am saying, Tatsumi."

Back in the hall, Hisoka clenched his hand at his side, trembling. Taking in a shaky breath, he turned and walked away on weak knees.

Inside the office, things had taken a different turn.

Tatsumi's eyes flashed with something akin to pity and Tsuzuki had collapsed back in his chair, face hidden in his hands.

"Tsuzuki," Tatsumi's tone was admonishing. "You know that isn't true."

"I know, I know, but I'm scared Tatsumi. He can't care about me, he can't! How could he ever care about somebody like me?"

Tatsumi sighed and walked around he desk, bending down and taking Tsuzuki's hands from his face. Wiping tears from the man's face, Tatsumi softly chastised him.

"Don't talk about yourself that way, Tsuzuki."

"But it's true!"

Tatsumi's face hardened.

"No it's not, Tsuzuki. People care about you, regardless of what you did in the past."  
Tsuzuki shook his head, burying his face back into his hands.

"No, no, it's not. Everyone leaves me, everyone! Even you!"

"Then why am I still here, Tsuzuki?"

Hidden behind elegant hands, amethyst eyes blinked in confusion.

"Huh?"  
Kneeling on the floor, Tatsumi took Tsuzuki's hands away from his face again and pulled them between his own hands. Smiling up at him, Tatsumi continued.

"I may not be your partner anymore, Tsuzuki, but I'm still here. I'm a weak and selfish man and I couldn't handle all of your problems so I ran. It was foolish of me, and I know I shouldn't have, but you have someone better now. Someone that needs you just as much as you need him. You have already been through so much together, and I'm not going to let that all go to waste."

Drying Tsuzuki's eyes with his finger this time, Tatsumi's face lost it's smile.

"I'm not going to let you make the same mistake I did. You need each other, you and Kurosaki-san, and I'm not going to let you let that bond go."

Tsuzuki's eyes still shone with tears as he looked into Tatsumi's face, which was open with sadness, regret and determination.

"Tatsumi..."

The secretary closed his eyes and smiled again, squeezing the hands held in his own.

"I'm not going to let you throw away something which you so desperately need, Tsuzuki. I'm not going to let you kill yourself over a foolish mistake you made. I won't let you do something you'll regret later so much it makes your heart ache."

Dawning realization rose in Tsuzuki's eyes and his own face softened.

"Tatsumi..."

Releasing his hands from the secretary's grasp, Tsuzuki reached down and hugged the man, tears again falling down his face as he closed his eyes. This time though, he smiled.

'Oh Tatsumi,' he thought as the secretary wrapped his own arms around his waist and back. 'I'm sorry...I didn't know you felt this way. I was scared, things were changing after years and years of being the same, and I didn't want to believe it was real. I didn't want to wake up from this dream...Except it's not a dream, I have somebody now, somebody who relies on me and needs me...just as much as I need him...'

"_Then live for me!" Hisoka shouted, arms tight around his tense shoulders. "Please I...I don't want to be alone anymore!" Somehow, those thin arms tightened and Tsuzuki stared over the shaking denim clad shoulders in shock. "My only place...is right here, by your side..."_

'I was a fool, Hisoka...I pushed you away so hard...I slept with all those other woman, looking for companionship when I already had it...'

"_C-Can I...stay here then?"_

_His only response was a heavy nod as Hisoka leaned his head against his own._

'Please forgive me, Hisoka...I must have hurt you so bad...I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you...somehow, I promise.'

Tsuzuki pulled back, his hands drifting to Tatsumi's sides and in return, Tatsumi's held his waist.

"I'm sorry, I was a fool, wasn't I?"

Again, the secretary's hand reached up and brushed away the tears staining Tsuzuki's face.

"Yes, you were Tsuzuki, but I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

Tsuzuki closed his eyes and smiled, standing.

"Right, right. Thank you, Tatsumi, I can't thank you enough for this."

In a flash, the sweets-loving man was out the door and into the hall, running towards the main office.

Tatsumi stood and adjusted his glasses, smiling.

"It was no problem, Tsuzuki. I just hope to God that you aren't too late."

* * *

A/N: Oh my god, did I just write a Tatsu scene? O.O Wow...Whoda thought? Also, as I haven't actually watched the twelfth episode or read the Kyoto arc, I don't know the exact script for that scene. XP Sorry if I got it wrong, tell me if I did okay? 


	3. Come hither Hate

Disclaimer: ...You don't want me to own YnM. Really. You don't.

A/N: ARGH! The last chapter was such a giant let down! Character wise, that is. It makes me twitch.

I must have been really, really tired. Sigh So, I'm going to do another version! Ha ha! Take that!

* * *

He hadn't even seen it coming.

At least, Hisoka assured himself, he had every right not to have.

After everything they had been through together, who would?

Sitting heavily on the park bench, the empath exhaled a long, drawn out breath, raising a hand to cradle his chest as he did so.

It hurt...right there, in his heart. It hurt.

Then again, who could blame him?

Sighing again and running a shaky hand through sandy brown locks, he hunched over. Resting his elbow on his knee and his head in hand, Hisoka's green eyes swept the ground as if the ants, pebbles and dirt of the path could give him an answer.

There had to be something he was missing.

Dropping his hand from his chest to clench his free kneecap, the empath frowned deeply, brows furrowing in thought.

Tsuzuki's care and affection had been genuine...but at the same time, so was his neglect and rejection. What was he not getting here?

Breathing in shakily, the boy shifted until both his hands held his face.

"I don't understand...Tsuzuki...what made you act that way?"

'It hurt...so much. So much that it made me cry...especially after hearing that damn song! What made you change, Tsuzuki?'

Resisting the urge to slap down his palm on the bench, the empath growled to himself.

'Damnit, I just want to find you and shake the answers out of you! You wanted to hurt me, I could feel it! But why, why after so long of protecting me...Why after the fire in Kyoto...Hell, why now? Just Why!'

The frustration welling up inside him and the hurt over Tsuzuki's rejection made him want to cry, but he swallowed the tears and thoughts of betrayal and forced himself to think rationally.

'Okay, okay. Buck up Kurosaki and think. Think. What do we know about Tsuzuki that could have made him act the way he did towards me?'

Hisoka laced his hands together and leaned his chin on top his thumbs, brows knitted in concentration.

'Well...Defence mechanism, maybe? He's lost so many partners, that maybe he was afraid to open up and face rejection? But why now? Why after I...I throw myself at him and pour out my heart!'

He bowed his head, resting his forehead atop his knuckles.

"Why, damnit, why!"

The blood in his veins suddenly chilled to ice and Hisoka let out a shaky gasp, rising from his hands. His eyes were wide, dreading what he may see.

The familiar silver gaze immediately captured his own and his heart lurched in his chest and he was choking, drowning in adrenaline as his mind told him to _Run! Run you fool!_ but his body refused to move, anchored to the bench.

"Mu-Muraki!"

Pale lips quirked into a smile.

"Poppet."

And then everything was dark.

969

Something wasn't right.

And it wasn't just his notes, either.

Watari frowned at the beaker full of pink liquid as absently measured out the next ingredient for his famous experiment, his sex changing potion.

Dumping the powder in, he set the beaker above the Bunsen burner and promptly rested his chin beneath his hands.

Turning to his faithful owl companion, he stroked the feathery head and smiled.

"So, 003. Why do you think Tsuzuki's been so harsh on Bon lately?"

The owl cocked her head to the side and fluttered her tiny brown wings, hooting.

"Yeah, who knows. But Tsuzuki being an idiot is nothing new, I just..."  
The scientist stood and walked over to the window, hands in his pockets.

He peered outside, face serious and thoughtful.

"I just can't get the feeling out of my head that something is wrong."

"Watari-san."

Blinking, the golden eyed scientist turned around, sunny curls dancing around his white clad shoulders.

"Tatsumi?"

The blue-eyed secretary adjusted his glasses.

"We need to talk."

696

He was running, running so hard that his feet hurt from hitting the ground so much.

He was running more urgently than he ever had in his life. Well, maybe not, but this wasn't the time for wayward thoughts.

Something felt grievously wrong in his mind, something egging him towards a park. A park he knew Hisoka went to when he wanted to think, or just be alone.

Something that told him that if he didn't get there as fast as he could, then things would be even more wrong than they had been before.

And oh, had things been wrong...

"_Brat, stop following me around."_

"_Hisoka, be a dear and bring us refreshments? Heh heh, some cake and sake, if you will..."_

"_Eh, Soka? Come back in an hour or two, I'm a little busy here." Grunt._

"_Oh, Hisoka, that you? Eh, sorry, I have to cancel dinner again. Some...other plans popped up. Sorry kid."_

_Sigh. "Hisoka, is that you? Are you stalking me again? Jeeze kid, you need a life..."_

"_Oh, Hisoka! What're you doing here? ...I...Invited you over for dinner? Ha! Well sorry bouya, I've got other matters to attend to...Our anniversary you say? What are you, some sentimentalist woman?...Eh, you might as well be. Now hurry on home, I seriously got to, ah, get back to 'work'. Heh heh."_

'Hisoka, I was such a fool...I...can't believe how I treated you! God, Hisoka, you were right, I'm an idiot. A huge idiot! Just let me have another chance! I'll make it up to you, I promise! ...Oh, Hisoka...I'm so, so sorry...'

The haunting visage of wounded, tearful, angry and betrayed emerald eyes flashed before him, the accusatory voice of his slim partner ringing in his ears.

"_But...But, Tsuzuki, you said...!"_

"_Oh, I...I see. I'll see you at work then..."_

"_Tsuzuki, is that-? Oh god, you smell of liquor-! Have you been drinking again? And wha-is that lipstick on your neck!"_

"_Ah, Tsuzuki! Wou-Would you like to go out for dinner? My treat! ...Oh, you...already have plans? Ah...I see...I guess I'll...see you at work then. Bye."_

_Sigh. "You've been out clubbing again, haven't you Tsuzuki? Well, come in then, we'll get you cleaned up. Eh? Why? ...Tsuzuki...we're partners. We're in this together, right?"_

"_You know, Tsuzuki? Sometimes I just don't understand you. First you act all lovey dovey, flirty and like an all around nice guy! Now you're a complete ass, what happened to you! ... ME! Why you...You...AH! I HATE you!"_

Somehow, someway, Tsuzuki managed to quicken his pace, flying through the park at a speed usually only a professional runner could achieve.

'Hisoka...God Hisoka, I'm so sorry! I swear, I'll do anything if you'd only give me another chance, I swear-!'

Then he skidded to a stop.

"Mu...Mu..."

969

"Muraki's back! But-But how! The fire-!"

"Evidently wasn't enough. Somehow, he got out."

Straightening the lapels of his jacket and tie, Tatsumi looked at the stunned man across from him. Watari, mouth hanging open, groaned and pounded the table.

"Damnit...But how! Touda's fire can bring even a shinigami to his knees, how can a mere mortal overcome it! And even if he did...It's only been half a year since then! He shouldn't be out of the hospital, yet!"

Tatsumi frowned, stroking his chin in thought.

"Watari...Has Kurosaki-kun been feeling ill lately?"

Watari blinked.

"Yes, he came to me awhile ago saying that the curse was acting up. You don't think..."

"Ah. And there have been strange murders, haven't there? In your quadrant?"

Watari's face turned from inquiring to seriousness in seconds.

"Yes, it's more busy than it has been since a few months ago, busier in fact. People have been having their bodies drained completely of all spiritual energy. You don't think that Muraki has been using the bon and these people to heal himself, do you?"

Tatsumi nodded.

"Ah, that's the only way."

Watari frowned deeply, lowering his head. 003 shifted on his shoulder.

"Then that would mean that he's more powerful than ever..."

696

The smile that traced the man's silvery pink lips sent shivers crawling down Tsuzuki's spine.

"Ah, Tsuzuki-san. I have returned."

Raising his head, Muraki looked his counterpart straight in the eye.

"Did you miss me?"

* * *

A/N: Heh heh, things are really getting good...This one was so much beter than the other one, don't you think? Remember, read and REVIEW! 


	4. You are my Sunshine

Disclaimer: No own, you don't sue.

A/N: Inspired by You Are My Sunshne. O.o I never knew it was so morbid.

* * *

It was a lullaby his mother used to sing to him.  
Now, he wasn't quite sure why. 

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...you make me happy when skies are grey..."

He supposed that he was cold as he stumbled along through the sakura, the bright and sunny meifu skies a chilling contrast to the dying embers that lay sparking in his heart.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you...Please don't take my sunshine away..."

It occurred to him, surprisingly sudden, that his mother had lied to him, that time long ago.  
Or maybe she hadn't...and the coming of his empathy had really broken her heart...?

It would explain the way she'd beat him.

"You told me once dear, you really loved me and no one else would come between...But now you've left me...and love another...you have shattered all my dreams..."  
His voice was almost accusing in that last verse, how odd.

Bloodied and bruised shins hit the JuOhCho steps with a harsh crack but Hisoka didn't even wince. He had felt worse in the past few weeks.  
The past few weeks he had again experience Muraki's loving care...

The past few weeks with no sign of Tsuzuki.

"You are my sunshine.."

Blood.  
"My only sunshine..."

It rolled down his face.  
"You make me happy...when skies are grey..."

He wondered why his healing powers hadn't come into play.  
"You'll never know, dear..."

Empty eye sockets looked upon the large doors, blind.  
"How much I love you..."

Muraki had been greatly displeased.  
"Please don't take my sunshine away..."

969696969

* * *

969696969 

"...How...how is he?"

Pursed lips and a clipped voice.  
"He's doing better."

"R-Really? Tha-...That's good then...ho-how are his ey-...eyes?"

"They've nearly grown back."

Tsuzuki winced and nodded.

"A-Ah..." He said shakily, looking down at the heavily bandaged figure on the bed.

Watari looked at him accusingly.  
"Why didn't you save him? Why didn't you rescue the bouya?"

Tsuzuki's head hung. He didn't answer.  
Watari glared and turned around, stalking out of the infirmary with a tight 'Call me if he wakes up'.  
The door slammed and he winced again.

Guilt slammed into him, the stinging of tears that refused to come hanging in his eyes.  
He had been ready, he had been ready to make things better! Really, he had!

**He had**!

But then...

Then Muraki...

The name oozed of sick familiarity and a slimy feeling crawled down his spine.  
Muraki had come...

And had kidnapped Hisoka...

And then he had froze.

"What kind of sick person am I?"

He had felt him.  
He had heard him.  
Every single day.  
Every single day for three weeks.

And he never went to rescue him.

Dull and guilt ridden amethyst went to Hisoka's throat.  
His screams were always in his nightmares.

"I am...so sick..."  
When he saw the man...

He had run away.

'Hisoka...is that how he made you feel?'

Degraded.

Used.

Worthless.

PAIN  
PAIN  
**PAIN!.**

He had tried looking for Hisoka...but then he would see white...  
And he would run.

Shame.  
Guilt  
Agony.

He had run...

Like he always did.  
His scarred wrist throbbed slightly.  
He was always...running.

Running away from things instead of...

Instead of standing to **fight.**

And no matter the guilt...

He would always continue to...

**Run away**.

It sickened him.

'_Then change it._' A sly little voice said. '_Stop running away_'.

He didn't know if he ever could.

Weeks passed.  
And Tsuzuki was reminded of his screw up everyday.  
He felt like a chastised child, or a kicked puppy with his tail hanging between his legs.  
But he would not whimper, no.

He would find no sympathy here.

Some people tried to be nice to him, saying that it wasn't his fault.  
After all, after what Muraki had done, there was no way he could have confronted the doctor, right?  
They would say that Hisoka would forgive him.  
After all, he had been through everything Tsuzuki had when it came to Muraki, and more hadn't he?  
There was no way he couldn't understand.

Right?

They hadn't seen Hisoka's ruined and battered (and raped, oh so raped) body before the JuOhCho's doors, shredded and tattered hand outstretched in a gruesome parody of homecoming. (1)

And then there were those who didn't bother to hide their blame.  
Who would look him straight in the eyes and say 'It was your fault'.  
They made no lie. They didn't even have to speak it to him for him to know what they thought.  
Their accusing eyes said it all.

Watari, Terazuma, that new boy Izuko, Yuma, the Chief...

Looking at the beaten and shattered form of his partner, he winced.

"Am I still...trying to push you away, Hisoka?"

"_TSUZUKI! Oh my god, oh my godOHMYGOD, TSUZUKI-!"_  
"_Tsuzuki...help me...p-please...Help me..."_  
"_Ohmygodhe'sDOINGITagain! TsuzukiTsuzukiTSUZUKI!"_  
"_Tsuzuki...why won't you come? Tsuzuki...help me...I need you..."_  
"_PleaseOhGodPleaseOhGodPleaseOhGodTsuzukiNeedYouPLEASE!"_  
"_Help...please...Tsuzuki...Asato...Get me...help me...please...Help me..."_  
"_...Why...?"_  
"Hisoka..."

The tears finally started to come and the numbness(He had been numb? But he felt so guilty?) washed away.

And then came the torrent.

"Hisoka, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!"  
He laid his head down on the bandaged chest.  
And cried.

'Stupid Tsuzuki, stupid Tsuzuki, Stupid Tsuzuki! ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY!'

Looking up through his tears, his cries(For retribution, someone punish his tainted soul) didn't pause.

_I hate myself_.

* * *

A/N:  
Certainly not as long as the others, but I think that this is my favourite chapter so far. Heh heh heh. 

BTW, You Are My Sunshine lyrics. See for yourself how morbid they are.

http/lullabies. onto the story notes.

For those of you who may be wondering...Well, I noticed that Tsuzuki had a bit of a Shinji Ikari-kun Complex. He stands up strong when he encounters something new...And then he runs away. Especially when thing shit him on an emotional level. When that happens, the man FLIES.

He tries to turn around sometimes...but after what Muraki did to him, taint happening. And certainly not so soon.

I don't think that he'll change very easily either.

In fact, he sorta reminds me of my cousin, who whines, bitches and drinks when things go wrong and doesn't make a move to fix things then expects pity.

Cept Tsu's a good boy and he knows he doesn't deserve pity when he screws up.

Like here for example. XD

Anyways, yeah. Don't expect things to get very happy very quick, folks. This is angst for a reason.

1) I remember a scene like this that I saw in a Disney movie once upon a time. Or something. This chick is running through coal mines or something while being chased by monsters I think and she Sees The Light at The End of The Tunnel which is a lamp and makes it out alive. She collapses on the doorstep with her hand outreached for the doorknob.

Even back when I was a little kid, that scene was my favourite. I'm evil. XD  
Anyways, I wanted to make an allusion to that scene but I couldn't remember the name for the life of me. I want to say Snow White but I'm pretty damn sure that I remember her making it into the house before she collapses.

And besides, I distinctly remember long brown hair and an apron.

If anyone knows the name, please tell me.

OH! **And don't forget to review!**


	5. Insanity cometh

Disclaimer: Own nada, making nada. No sueing.

A/N: THE WACKIEST CHAPTER YET!

* * *

It was white.

It was all white.

Even the shimmering mist floating around him and hovering close to the floor was an off shade of white.

It was frightening him.

Everywhere he turned, trying to run to find Him, he would see THAT face and he would stay still, shivering and cowering.

When he heard the footsteps, he almost gave in to run.

But he held his ground. If it was THAT person, then he would stay his ground.

He would!

It wasn't.

He gasped, eyes widening in horror as he beheld the sight before him.

It was Hisoka.  
Frail and pale Hisoka with his milk white skin and sandy blond hair.  
Hisoka shivering and naked.  
Hisoka with his hands by his sides.

Except there were no hands.  
Only the bottom parts of his palms and a stub of his thumbs remained.

"Hi-...soka?"

Emeralds were instantly on him, accusing him.

"You cut off my hands, Tsuzuki."

He gasped.

No! It wasn't true!  
He would never-

He looked down and dropped the cleaver in shock.

Hisoka's ghostly voice continued.  
"You cut off my hands, Tsuzuki...And no-one can grow them back..."

Hisoka's pale feet began to move and the boy advanced, a trail of glimering blood shimmering across the whiteness.

"You cut off my hands, Tsuzuki...I can't reach for anybody anymore."

And suddenly he was right there, in his face and green was all he could see.

"Not even you."

He awoke, gasping and panting, feeling as if he had just run a marathon.

As soon as wakefulness hit him, he rushed over to Hisoka's bedside from his chair.

He needed...needed to see...!

He almost swooned in relief.  
They were there, they weren't cut off.  
Swathed in bandages they might be, but the limber hands were entirely whole.

Tsuzuki sighed, a gargantuan amount of relief flooding into him.

He hadn't cut off Hisoka's hands.

"Oh, thank you Lord..."

The next time Tsuzuki awoke, Hisoka was sitting up, busying himself with unwrapping the bandages around his arms.

The ones around his eyes were only half undone, but looked liable to fall off on their own any second now.

Again, he felt relief.

"Hisoka! You're awake!"

He went in to hug the boy, but Hisoka's voice stopped him in his tracks.  
It was brusque and cool but torrents of anger seethed just beneath the surface, ready to spring up any moment should a word go wrong.

"Don't touch me."

Tsuzuki reared back, his eyes wide.

"And do not call me Hisoka. It's Kurosaki-san."

Standing from his chair unsteadily, Tsuzuki took a step back, frightened by Hisoka's voice.

"You have no right to use my given name."

"Hi-...Hisoka?"

"Do not touch me, do not tease me, do not talk to me unless it's strictly necessary. Do not call me names, do not insult me and don't come near me unless you absolutely have too."

Slim arms rose to work off the bandages around his eyes.

"When we are on cases together, I reserve the right to leave you and work on my own should I see fit."  
"No...Hisoka, please...don't..."

He was sinking, sinking, falling beneath the waters, he could feel it.  
He needed help...now...RIGHT NOW.

"If you are late to work, don't think I will pick you up. If you are late looking at a sweets shop, don't think I'll look for you."

"No...stop...Hisoka, please, no...stop it."

He's leaving, he's leaving, he's leaving, oh my god nonoNO.

The blond boy set the bandages on his lap and looked up.

Tsuzuki choked in dismay.

"I will not climb after you, I will not chase after you and I will not work for or with you unless I absolutely have to."

His eyes...

"Oh my god..."  
"I refuse to go after you when you're drinking and drag you back home. Understand that unless I see fit, I will not go out of my way for you or acknowledge you in any sort."

The eyes that were piercing him, spearing his heart with swarms of tiny needles.

Eyes that used to be an eternal forest of absolute green.

Hisoka's stony face turned towards him and he shrunk back.

"Anything you want to say, Tsuzuki?"

The man flinched. His name was no longer an endearment.

Misted golden green eyes beckoned him to answer.

"Hi...Hisoka..."  
"Kurosaki-san."  
"Hisoka!"

The pink mouth scowled at him.

"Kurosaki-san."

Tsuzuki shook his head and sobbed quietly, collapsing into Hisoka's lap and wrapping his arms around the tiny waist.

"Nononononono, Hisoka! Don't, please don't"  
"Get.Off.of Me."  
"I'm sorryI'mSorryI'mSORRY! Don't leave me, please don't leave me, I'm sorry!"

The straw landed.

"You're SORRY! YOU'RE _SORRY_! SORRY isn't good enough, SORRY will NEVER be good enough!"  
"NononononononoSorry, pleaseno, DON'T!"  
"Sorry isn't good enough, not after what you put me through! I'll never forgive you, I'll never trust you! Never again! Never AGAIN! Get off of me, get off of me! Get OFF OF ME!"

Even as he burned, Tsuzuki only held on tighter, the vindictive red aura lashing about.

"Stopit, Stopit, Hisoka stop it! I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry! Please don't leave me, I love you, I need you, I'm sorry, DON'T GO!"

The two fell back on the bed despite Hisoka's wild shrieks and thrashing. Keening loudly, Tsuzuki wrapped his legs around Hisoka's knees, cradling the boy's head, his tears dampening the boy's hair.

"Stop, Hisoka, please! Don't go, I need you! I need your voice, I need your everything! I'll die I'll die, don't go! Don't go!"

He chose not to acknowledge the hands clawing at his back, the wild bucking and twisting and the growing dampness on his shirt. The incoherent yelling and sobs he ignored.

"AnythingANYTHING! I'll do anything, Just stay with me! Don't leave me, don't leave me, oh god, oh god, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"

But then the hands began to still on his back and the bucking and twisting was reduced to shuddering heaves and shivering bones and the yelling and crying turned to whimpers and wet gasps and he wasn't leaving, he wasn't trying to leave but there were other hands, other hands trying to take him away from Hisoka but he wouldn't leave Hisoka, he wouldn't he wouldn't he wouldn't!

In the back of his mind, he registered the sound of shattering glass and cracking wood and concrete, the frantic yells. But all he could focus on was the body in his arms as it abruptly shivered hard and then stilled, the hands growing limp and falling from his shoulder blades.  
He didn't even care as they dragged tiny strips of flesh along with them, all he could care about was that Hisoka Wasn't Leaving.

* * *

A/N: Again it's short, but the content of the chapter should definitely make up for that. Heh heh. 


	6. In Which Mistakes are Made

Disclaimer: Must I? I've only been writing the same thing for years now.

**WARNING**: Chapter rambles! And is bad, because I couldn't figure out how to do things. So, yeah. BEWARE!

* * *

Often times, he woke up screaming.

It was a simple fact, but that it happened at all where before he would wake with a gasp, was testament to what he had gone through under Muraki's 'care'.

So were the new scars that peppered his skin.

They were innumerable, tiny little things compared to the long, winding and twisting curse marks, but they were there.

Despite his regenerative abilities, they were there.

Small little dots beneath his eyes, on his neck, arms, legs, torso, back, buttocks, ankles, feet, hands.

They were everywhere.

It made him shiver in a myriad of emotions every time he looked at them.

Hate. Self Hate. Depression. Anger. Sadness. Disgust.

Dirty.

He couldn't even look himself in the eyes anymore.

Eyes that, when they had grown back, weren't his original eyes.

Eyes that seemed to be layered in a golden mist, just inches away it seemed, from the fervent everlasting emerald green.

To know that that had been a result of what had happened...

It made him quail in disgust.

Disgust and self hatred.

It made him feel like a failure. A failure to everything he had ever known to be true.

And it made him crave revenge.

Hunger for it like an insatiable, starved wild beast.

Revenge for lost dignity and honour.

Revenge on the man who had made it so.

Muraki.

And revenge on the man who he had trusted beyond everything.

His pride. His honour. His teachings.

Hell, even his blasted empathy.

Things that he had clung to throughout everything.

He had trusted this man more than anything combined, confident that he would watch his back, confident that, when he would need help, help would be there.

Trusted enough to spill things he had held, thousands of dirty little secrets just waiting to spill.

Had trusted the man with his faults, his lies, his truths, his everything.

All yto have that thrown back into his face.

And what more...

What more...

He had fallen in love.

Fallen in love with shimmering amethysts, drunken or not.

His smile, his...his everything.

He had fallen in love with the man that had been with him trough everyhing, guiding him, teaching him, coercing him like a shell to open.

Prying him open, gently, softly, coaxingly convincing him that, hey, not everybody was a bad guy.

Teaching him to trust again. To have faith for a brighter tomorrow.

To have faith in him.

Tsuzuki had been there throughout everything, had helped him and loved him.

Giving him things which he had never known.

Things in which he had forgotten had ever existed and yet craved for with his very being.

And in return he had been there, been with Tsuzuki through his faults, his sadness.

Hell, he had jumped into hells inferno to save the man!

And throughout it all...

He never would have guessed that he had been the biggest con man in history.

He supposed he should have guessed.

It was just too damn good to be true.

Humanity in a whole was not nice, it was not a sunny and shining place to live in.

It was dark and cruel. It was a hateful place where no kindness lived.

Where everybody had motivation for something. Even helping out a stranger on the streets was something to gloat and brag about.

It was pathetic.

And it was equally pathetic that he had fallen for something that was so obviously a lie, that it wasn't even funny. Just pitiful.

He had thought, for a little while, that maybe there was something to this humanity thing after all.

That kindness existed for no other reason than kindness.

That the birds sang and the flowers bloomed and the grass was so damn green it stung your eyes to look at.

That bunnies were fluffy and kittens were cute and puppies were too.

That humanity wasn't his father, wasn't his mother, wasn't his goddamn cage.

That not everybody was like Muraki, or his parents. People that were greedy and selfish and hurt others for no other good reason than 'just because'.

That he could trust people, that he could love people and not die because of it. That all the things he had ever hoped for...

The very thought brought tears to his eyes.

And he had fallen for it.

Hook line and sinker he had fallen for it.

He had fallen for it because he had wanted to believe it.

Had wanted to believe it with his whole being, had wanted it to be TRUE.

And Tsuzuki had exploited that very same thing, had thrown it in his face and like a guileless child, he had taken the goddamn bait.

He had TAKEN the BAIT.

And oh had he ever paid for it.

Anger thrummed through his veins, anger at being betrayed.

Anger, anger that he had been lied to.

Anger that things that he had so hoped were real...

Anger that those things had been nothing but lies.

Cruel lies, a sick joke, a harsh punishment for a crime he had never committed.

All his hopes, his dreams, his happiness, fulfilment...

It had been struck away.

Not by Muraki, not by his parents or the servants or his cage...

But by the very man who had given him those things.

And hell, did it ever hurt.

It still hurt.

It still made him cry, it still made him scream and sob in denial.

But most of all it made him rage.

Made him cry in anger, scream for justice, sob for every lie he had ever been told.

Tsuzuki...

TsuzukiTsuzukiTsuzuki.

The name that he worshipped on his tongue, the thing he had relied on ever since that fateful day in Nagasaki.

He had dared to hope...

No.  
No

Just...no.

He wouldn't make that same mistake again.

There was no one to trust but yourself.

No matter what anymone said.

The long days in the infirmary, under Watari's watchful eyes, had only made his anger boil.

When he had awoken to see Tsuzuki by his bed, sleeping away in a chair, he had wanted to erupt.

To explode in his anger and maybe, just maybe, die in humiliation along with it.

When Tsuzuki had awoken as he was busying himself with his bandages, he had nearly forgotten.

Such sad, pretty eyes.

He had fallen for them once.

Fallen in love with them.

Had been ready to stand there with waiting arms for every single detail that was Tsuzuki, to protect Tsuzuki, to love Tsuzuki, to give everything to Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki's everything.

The Kyoto fire had only fired that want, that want to brush away Tsuzuki's tears and accept him.

Accept him, faults and everything.

Well, that had turned out nicely hadn't it.

Even when Tsuzuki had been so horribly cruel to him, brushing him aside, insulting him, he had persevered.

It was only a phase, only a phase, only a phase. Tsuzuki just wasn't ready to accept him, he was afraid that everything was a lie and that he would wake up and that he, Hisoka, with his open and awaiting arms would be gone and everything was a dream.

He had believed that. Had accepted that to be fact.

And he had been ready to wait for Tsuzuki to wake from that 'phase' and then everything would be right as rain. Or as right as everything could get while being a shinigami helping ones partner through everything and dealing with his own tribulations at the same time.

It was going to be a long, hard, rocky road, but he had been ready.

He had been ready!

He wanted to cry.

He supposed that he should thank Muraki before killing him for exposing Tsuzuki as he really was, even if it had been inadvertedly.

He kind of felt sorry for the man.

Muraki too had fallen for Tsuzuki's pretty sad eyes.

The killer had been so confident that Tsuzuki would rescue him.

He was too.

And he had called, called and screamed and cried for his salvation from the one thing he was sure he could depend on.

Heh, well, he certainly hadn't expected Tsuzuki's own shadows to get in the way.

He had thought that he was more important.

He had been wrong.

The sun was big, the sky was blue, the grass was green and he had been wrong.

Again.

Well, it served him right for getting cocky, another mistake he wouldn't make again.

He supposed that he had called for something that never existed.

He had called for his salvation.

But he was getting confused here.

Was or was not Tsuzuki a conman who had flung hopes and dreams into his face to rip them away?

Damn straight he was.

Was Tsuzuki a tortured soul who's demons had gotten in the way?

Fuck yes.

Both of them were true.

He just didn't know which one of them was, well, more true than the other.

But it didn't matter.

He, Hisoka, had screwed up big time and had payed the price in blood.

And he would never do that again.

And Tsuzuki?

Che.

Well, fuck him.

Fuck him and his pretty smiles and hopes for better tomorrows.

As far as he was concerned, Tsuzuki and his sad, pretty eyes stood right next to Nagare's stone cold hate, his mother's fiery rage and betrayal and Muraki's sadistic glittering smiles.

And the rest of humanity for all he cared.

Fuck them, screw them, they can rot in hell and he would point and laugh while they did.  
He would never forgive them.

Would never forgive Tsuzuki and all the things he had brought with him.

Wouldn't forgive the Chief, Gushoshin, Tatsumi, Watari, Wakaba, none of them. They were all guilty. They all had pushed and pulled him to his own demise.

Fuckem' all.

And fuck himself for being too damn stupid to notice.

* * *

A/N: Eh, that was interesting to write.

Couldn't figure out how to get a damn thing done. XD I knew what I wanted, what emotions I wanted and so on and so forth, but I couldn't figure it out.

So, typical me, I settled on rambling.

Dynmamic rambling.

Le gasp.

Eh, well, this story isn't experimental for nothing. So, tell me what I did wrong, what I did right and so in so.

It'll make me very happy.

And that'll give me inspiration.

Which will make you, the readers, be very very happy as inspiration is a Good Thing and results in better chapters and maybe quicker updates.

So...REVIEW!


	7. Of: Interlude

Disclaimer: Dude..if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I don't own YnM. You wouldn't want me to own YnM. You'd all die from unrealistic angst overload by the end of the first arc if I had my way. Also, lyric credits go to Blue October, my new favourite band. XD

**WARNING**: No spell check + No beta equals Bad things waiting to happen.

* * *

Anyone with a brain cell could figure out that they were hurting. 

Tsuzuki would follow Hisoka around like a kicked puppy, tortured eyes watching the boy with longing so intense a person didn't have to be an empath to feel it.

Hisoka himself grew steadily paler until he looked the part of a woeful ghost, his misted emerald eyes hooded, dark and their undersides bruised.

And anyone could see that he was at war, raging torrents of rage, terror and confusion battling for dominance in his eyes.

It was little wonder.

Personally, Terazuma wanted to punch their heads back on straight, perhaps tighten the scews in their little cogs for heads.

He probably would, were it not for the endless unshed tears flooding Tsuzuki's eyes and the absolute terror an uprised fist would bring to the Kurosaki boy.

Whenever he thought about it, an upsurgence of pity would roll about unpleasntly in his stomach.

And he didn't like it.

Terazuma was not normally a patient man, it was probably his only weakness as a detective when he had been alive. Now, however, he found his patience reaching levels he never knew he had.

Something about Tsuzuki's wretchedly anguished eyes whenever his partner would deny him and Hisoka's pale, wrathful countanence chilling the air whenever he neared...

It would only make him feel pity.

Pity and an incurable sadnesss in the pits of his stomach.

For some reason, even though he hardly even knew the two, Terazuma mourned for them.

It made him uncomfortable.

And he just didn't like it.

XXXXXXX

* * *

XXXXXXX 

Watari was at a loss.

Were it his experiments, he would mull about his notes and pitter about in his lab, before going back to his potions and elixers with renewed vigor.

But this was not one of his experiments.

Not at all.

Personally, he thought that Tsuzuki was an idiot for not aiding in the search effort.

Then he'd see the gut-wrenching agony, constant longing and guilt dominating his friend's eyes and he would have to seek solace in his lab.

Personally, he thought that Hisoka had every right to be pushing people away.

Then he'd see the chronic warring in his odd, regenerated eyes and knew that if he didn't accept help soon, he would be done for.

It was a painful thing to watch.

It was painful to watch Hisoka rage at his partner then stop abrutptly, only to turn and run away when his hand itched towards the other mans'.

It was painful to watch Tsuzuki huddle in a far corner of a hallway, rocking back and forth in his guilt stricken shivers.

It was painful to watch Tatsumi's eyes darken before he adjusted his glasses and it was gone, fleeting like his shadows.

It was painful to watch Wakaba's glittering smiles weaken under the onslaught of knowing her baking wouldn't help this time.

Painful to watch as Terazuma would buy pack after pack of ciggerets from the vending machines only to run out barely twenty minutes later.

Painful to watch the Chiefs youthful eyes dull into that of a forsaken parent who knew that nothing he ever did would never work.

Painful to watch the Gushoshin's drooping feathers as they described the mournful howling they heard in the library.

Painful to feel the new chill.

Painful to watch so many unshed tears.

Painful to watch as the very sakura seemed to wilt.

Painful.

It was so increadibly painful.

It was the only thing that Watari could identify in this strange, new enviroment.

And he desperetly wanted it to be over.

XXXXXXX

* * *

XXXXXXX 

There were only two things that Tatsumi felt these days.

Guilt and nothingness.

There was no more amusment at his co-workers antics.

There was no more anger as he finished reading bill after bill after report.

There was no more twisted pleasure out of seeing people squirm under his gaze.

There was no more comfort felt from a good day's work done.

There was either only deep, gut-wrenching guilt...

Or for his own safety, nothing at all.

And it was all his fault.

Wakaba's fading smile.

Terazuma's increasing anxiety.

The Chiefs dying youthful luster.

The Gushoshin's graying and drooping feathers.

Watari's anguish.

Hisoka's lack of apparent sanity.

Tsuzuki's endless stream of tears.

He had been too late to stop it from happening.

By the time he had convinced Tsuzuki to go after the boy, Hisoka was already in a madman's clutches and Tsuzuki was powerless.

He had been too late and Hisoka ad been released with mauled limbs, no eyes and shattered.

Just...shattered,

He had been too late and now Tsuzuki was dying again, slowly, painfully dying.

And there was nothing Tatsumi could do to stop it.

It made him yearn for those damn bills again.

* * *

XXX 

**T**he first born, my heart will call Truly  
A God-like boy of the sky  
The fog hissed away like a movie  
And serpents go home for the night  
The thundercloud rain hits the freeway  
The clowns put on makeup for show  
The nightfall, my skin crawl kind of evening  
And how the wind she blows  
**H**ow the wind she blows.

**- **

**I **want you to come closer  
Come in closer. Come in closer.  
I want you to come in closer  
Come in closer. Come in closer.  
I want you to come in closer, in closer.  
Come dancing with devils  
Need not to know their names  
We'll waltz like an army  
For the fear of our pain  
Our souls become useless  
As the day they were born  
In a rusted arm rocking chair  
**A**way from your storm.

**- **

**B**ut still, the truth remains lethal  
A lie made by man  
Where my shoes become hammers  
And my words become sand  
Like a sour patch, a wedding batch  
Of roses you threw across my floor  
In the rusted arm rocking chair  
**A**way from your storm.

* * *

A/N: And that concludes that 'chapter'. Not so much as a chapter as an interlude, actually. A small, filler interlude. 

Hey man, at least it dosn't ramble. XD

Most of it anyways.

BTW, the song at the end is 'Come in Closer' by Blue October. They rock. Worship them. Make yummy YnM AMVS with them. Don't kill this fic because I put their lyrics in.


	8. The dreaded Authors Note

Ah, yes, the dreaded Author's Note you were all DREADING to hear from me. XD Because like I warned in the first chapter, I have a tendency to discontinue fics.

But don't worry.

Cus that's not going to happen!

I'm having far too much fun.

Thing is though, it's summer.

Usually, this is a time where free time takes hold and authors can write as much as they will outside of any summer jobs.

Well, I don't have a job(Damn it!) but thing is, I'm going to Ontario.

Yes, scream, my darlings, SCREAM! XD XD XD

Why am I going to Ontario?

Well, here's the situation.

Okay, thing is, Daddy left Mommy to fend for herself before the kid could pop out and went back to Ontario from whence he came.

There he met a lovely woman and they got married, adopted, and then bred two kids.

Yeah, the adoption part gets me too. (Twitch)

ANYWAYS, so a summer ago, the kid found out that the Child Services or whatever had found her dearly beloved daddy again.

Plus three brats and the guy's mom.

But since Daddy dropped off the face of the earth when he found out that the kid wasn't ready to talk to him, even though they could write to each other, the kid is left with a grandmother and three little brothers.

Grandma came out that summer to the wonderful British Colombia(Waves flag) and spent a few weeks with the kid, then kidnapped her with the mother's consent and took her to many many wonderful places.

Well, that all had to end.

So, the kid and her grandma kept in touch over E-MAIL(!) and struck up a deal.

If both the kids mother and her Grandma could chock up enough air-miles, then they would send the kid on over to Ontario to meet her three little brothers and so on and so forth.

Well, they did. So she's leavign on the fifth of July.

And that's the end of that story! XD XD

But fear not! In between my little brother's usurping my time and my Gran-Gran teaching me to cook(Good luck BTW), and various other family activities, there is a COMPUTER!

Holy of all holy things, my grandmother has a computer.

Yeah, I know. XD

So, she's cleaned up the hard-drive for me to be the Download-Junkie I am(AMVS!) and write as I will.

So, I may be able to get chapters out over the summer!  
Everyone jump for joy now!

(Silence)

Jump Damnit!

So yeah, fear not for Memories will not be defeated so soon!

Hisoka still needs to get a hole in the back!

(Silence)

Whoopsy...Eh heh, spoiler alert?

**This has been a Message from **Unclear Destiny **to all of her **puppe-err...Readers. **She gives her thanks and informs you to **REVIEW damnit! Feed the Author!


	9. An Ultimatum

**A/N: Guh. This chapter was not inspired at ALL and I don't like it, but I honestly think it's the best I can do right now. I'm really sorry to those who have waited so long for the next instalment of Memories, but my Creativity is leaking slowly. I'm sure though, that with your guys's help, I'll be able to get this up and off the ground again.  
You guys are cool like that.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei. Be Happy.

* * *

Things were growing more and more stressful in the office.  
Tsuzuki was detained to the infirmary under suicide watch.  
Hisoka was often found carrying papers and files from office to desk and back, unable to work as a Shinigami any longer.  
Tatsumi, Watari and Kanoe Kachou rarely left their designated parts of the building.  
Wakaba would break into tears at the drop of a hat.  
Terazuma was similar in the fact that he would burst into rage at any given notice.  
The Gushoshin twins would often confine themselves to their library.  
It was easy to see that the EnmaCho department was falling apart.  
And it was time, it appeared, to do something about it.  
The much celebrated Tsuzuki-Hisoka partnership would be broken apart after one last case.  
If the two couldn't pull themselves together before the case ended…  
Then the promising relationship would be shoved apart.

96969696

It had been a simple case at first.  
Exorcise a minor demon that had been terrorizing an old theatre, write up a report and be forgotten about.  
The demon would not let itself be set aside so easily.  
The division had begun to get nervous after the third pair that had been assigned to the case had shown up near death on the front steps and the file had temporarily been set aside.  
The solution?  
Set your strongest Shinigami pair on the case and hope that they set it straight.  
And their sadistic partnership in the process.  
It had been a most ironic moment as Hisoka had arrived with the thick file in his skinny arms, an icy hatred spread across his porcelain features.  
It had been equally as cold as a guilty relief had dropped over the briefing room like a thick mist as it had been announced by Tatsumi that if the two couldn't set themselves straight, then their defunct partnership would be no more.  
It had been hope that had replaced that guilt when the two had left the room together, looking like they had so long before.  
And it had been an icy chill that had finally settled upon their hearts soon after when the two had confronted just inside the sakura grove.  
It had been brief but terror had gripped their stomachs all the same.  
It had almost been like when Hisoka had first awoken to Tsuzuki's arms in the infirmary.  
The two had stopped a foot inside the cherry grove, talking aggressively at each other.  
And, just like in the infirmary, Tsuzuki's arms had eventually found their way to crush Hisoka within their grasp.  
The boy, looking tiny and dwarfed by the much older and taller man, had struggled, just like in the infirmary.  
And like in the infirmary, the screaming had started soon after.  
However, unlike the infirmary, it had not been scared.  
It had been a fiery torrent, sucking out all the wind from the desperate brunette until Tsuzuki had been shaking on his knees, head buried unknowingly in Hisoka's groin with his arms tight around the teens waist.  
And then the first fist had struck.  
Buried in Tsuzuki's hair, knuckles impacting on the man's skull, Hisoka's eyes glazed.  
But unlike before, the boy did not run away in a rage, nor did his eyes say glazed and his body grow numb.  
Instead, his hand raised the slightest bit, unclenched it and grasping at Tsuzuki's dark hair.  
Then, abruptly, Hisoka's arm jerked forwards, then backwards and with a push and a flash of red light, Tsuzuki was falling from the bruised trunk of a cherry flower tree.  
Hisoka's head raised then, his eyes frighteningly clear for the first time in weeks.  
He paused, looking at the burnt and bruised man and for a moment, time stopped.  
Then, Hisoka turned and walked away, scattering flurries of pale pink petals.  
It was not only the Gushoshin pair who saw the irony. (1)  
Soon after, Tsuzuki crawled forewords on his hands and knees, his fists clenching and unclenching at the cherry petals and grass.  
Then he disappeared, and all hope for a salvaged relationship with him.

9696

The sound of crashing was what greeted Hisoka at the hotel room Tatsumi had booked for himself and Tsuzuki.  
Opening the door, Hisoka stepped inside.  
It was only quick reflexes, untarnished by sickness, which saved him a bloody nose.  
Letting the table leg roll from his hand, Hisoka watched with a small amount of sadistic satisfaction as Tsuzuki immediately froze, the item he had been about to throw dropping similarly from his hand.  
And again, Hisoka turned and opened the door, stepping out and ignoring the soft cries of emotional and audible agony to book himself a different room. Back inside the room, Tsuzuki rocked himself.  
It was a pathetic parody of the comfort Hisoka's arms invited, but right now, there was no way that Tsuzuki would ever receive that momentary bliss.  
Wonderful, wonderful, sweet Hisoka.  
Hisoka who had so much love inside of him, waiting to be released.  
Love that had been waiting for hi-  
No.  
No!  
Yes.  
Sweet, sorrowful yes.  
The boy had lived without love and he had manipulated that to his own needs, playing the blond like one of his plants.  
Constant care, love and devotion had gone to waste within a span three weeks.  
He had screwed up everything he had set out to do in twenty-one days.  
Roaring, the man lunged at the miraculously intact vase and hurled it at the opposite wall where it immediately shattered, leaving behind a stain of water and a bouquet of broken flowers.  
Watching the flawless ikebana arrangement crumple to the ground, Tsuzuki did likewise and fell to his knees, shoulders shaking and breath coming out in hurried gasps.  
He was useless.  
So, so useless.  
Sobbing, he collapsed foreword onto his elbows, hiding his face in his hands.  
"Hisoka, Hisoka, Hisoka"  
He blew it.  
He was useless.


	10. Author noteDiscontinuation

As of now, this version of Memories is discontinued, mostly because the plot at this point has strayed quite far from what it was originally.

However, there is a new version out now, who's plot will be more consistant, called Memory v.02. The story will be what it was supposed to be, a story about broken/lost trust, and the work that will be done to regain that trust.

The chapter out right now is more the prologue than anything, the story set up. The chapters will be longer as they go, and I don't plan on having as many because of it. I'm hoping to stop at five chapters.

Thank you so much for your patience,

~UD.


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